This seems like the longest week ever. I can't believe it was only last Friday we found out I had cancer. A lot has happened since then. On Tuesday I got a bone marrow biopsy, which wasn't the most pleasant experience I've ever had. I would say it's somewhere between getting stepped on by a horse and getting pepper sprayed. One of the worst parts was this horrible "medicine" they put in your vein to make you a little loopy that feels like a dragon is breathing liquid fire through your arm. No worries, I survived. We will hear the results of that test, as well as results from the PETscan I did yesterday, next Thursday the 19th. That should also be the day when they tell us whether I have other little nasty cancer spots throughout my body, what my stage is, and what our plan of attack will be.
On Thursday, my mom and I went to Chemo Education (which we affectionately called "poison class"). My mom is amazing, by the way. Danny was accepted to present a paper he had written and researched at a conference in Illinois this weekend, which he had been totally jazzed about for months. He wouldn't have felt good about going if my mom hadn't just dropped everything, got in the car, drove 7 hours, and stayed with me. He really didn't feel good about going anyway because he's the most incredible husband on the planet and wanted to be with me (because I'm super cute), but we finally coerced him to go, which I'm glad for. Anyway, I digress. Poison class. Yea, those couple hours were a downer. Here are some "super cool" facts about my impending treatment:
1. I will be on a regimen known as RCHOP. Describing these 5 drugs and their side effects sound like they're actually a list of powers of an incredibly menacing fictional villian, not what I will willingly be shooting into my veins. One is actually referred to as "the red devil". Awesome.
2. I will be getting chemo every 3 weeks. The first round should take about 8 hours and then the subsequent ones will be more like 5. Depending on what they find on the tests and how I respond to treatment, I will get 6-8 rounds. I will also likely get radiation (which I still don't know anything about) to help shrink the really annoying tumor in my tibia.
3. I will start losing my hair a week after the first round of chemo. I'll probably just buzz cut it the day before I start. If I look ugly, just focus on the beautiful jade earrings my incredible mother-in-law sent me. I'll be wearing them every day I can because they make me happy.
4. Chemo will likely cause my body to start menopause about a month after my first treatment, with hot flashes and all. That means I probably won't ever get the chance to be pregnant. Thankfully Danny and I have already had a heart for fostering and adopting, but it's still a little bit crazy to not have that option anymore.
5. After getting a dose of chemo, I can expect to be down and out for 3-5 days. I'll feel a little better and then feel bad again from day 7-10. That's when my white blood cell count should be the lowest and I'm not supposed to see anyone, touch anything, etc. so I don't get sick. Of course that's all relative - I'm pretty sure I'll already feel sick. But anyway. Then the rest of the time I should be slowly getting back to myself until the next round. I'll go in every week for blood tests.
6. Our house has to be sparkling clean. I know, I'm laughing too. This has never been my or Danny's forte. One of the many ways we will have to adjust.
At the end of poison class, we walked into the chemo room. Again, depressing. I seem to be the youngest patient they have, by far. Even though it's sad that I have cancer and I'm young, it's really a gift because my body is so much stronger. I'm really healthy as a horse beyond all of this cancer mess.
I have an echocardiogram on Monday and my port is going in on Tuesday. I didn't even know what a port was until last Monday. If you are like I was, a port is this smallish circular piece attached to a tube that gets put under my skin over my heart. They use it to dump the chemo through and it's easier on your body than pushing it through an arm/hand vein. Then Wednesday off (yippee!) and another appointment with the oncologist on Thursday.
I am so incredibly thankful for all of you that have offered encouraging words, emails, texts, notes, and time. I am overwhelmed by the support I have and count myself incredibly lucky. Obviously Danny and I haven't had much time to process all of this and virtually no time to process this with just us, so please forgive us if we haven't replied to you or called you back. It doesn't mean that we aren't thankful or that we don't care - it's just been difficult to find the words to say. It's hard for me to even say "I have cancer" out loud. It's just unreal. I feel like people expect me to cry or be angry. Sometimes I'm both of those things, but mostly, right now, I'm numb. Not because I'm avoiding it, but just because it's so sudden, so strange. I don't feel like this is my life. But it is, and I will move forward and do what I'm told needs to be done, even though chemo sounds like hell and my husband is devastated and my mom is heart broken and I don't know what to feel.
We will continue to update you as we go.
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