Last year, around this time, I was looking super hot in a wedding dress and Danny was the finest looking fellow I had ever seen. I really can't believe it's already been a year of marriage. At some point I will sit down and write how Danny and I met and make you jealous over our sweeping 8 month romance, but for right now I will have to leave you in anticipation. When we met, I was living in Asheville. I love Asheville and since Danny and I weren't sure when I would up for a big trip again, we spent the day there yesterday to celebrate. We started the day at Breakthrough Church. I was a member there for 2 1/2 years and miss my family there tremendously. Getting to see everyone and singing out my worship was so powerful and meant so much to me. Church is so awesome because it gives you a community of people that love you as you are (even when you are completely sucky like me). It's also awesome because it's a place I come face to face with God. For me, when I'm singing and listening to the message, God is inescapable. I can't continue to live life pretending that He isn't important to me or my life. And that everything else, cancer included, just isn't as important. I am so thankful for perspective. Whether I beat this like a champ or I have a really hard time, it's not what really matters. I know that sounds crazy, but it's what I really believe and find solace in.
We ate at our favorite Mexican restaurant (Papas and Beer - where we went on our first date), visited with some of our most favorite people, and wrapped things up at the Chocolate Lounge. We were planning to stay for dinner and whatever other adventures we found, but we were both exhausted. Instead of talking about silly and exciting things, we mostly discussed cancer and it's impact on our life. When we got home, Danny said "I wanted our anniversary to be so wonderful but no matter how far I drove, I couldn't get away from the cancer." It broke my heart. I hate that there is something inside of me that is so toxic and that affects so many people in such a negative way. I can't believe this is just the beginning and it already has changed so much. I love my husband more than anything - I couldn't go through this without him.
I had the echocardiogram today. It was a simple ultrasound of my heart. It made me a little sad that the only ultrasound I will ever get will be because of my cancer and not because I'm pregnant. But as my fortune cookie aptly stated earlier in the week "Don't cry over spilt milk." Tomorrow I'm getting my port in and I'm a little nervous. Hopefully, it's not too bad. I'll let you guys know.
Naomi, Happy Anniversary! Your wedding was so awesome, and I will always remember your smiling face as you were dancing the night away! This illness will likely both test and strengthen your marriage, but "a chord of three strands is not easily broken." Easter reminded me that although we are surrounded by sinfulness, illness and death, we have the amazing HOPE and ASSURANCE of the resurrection that brings restoration and wholeness! I believe that Christ has already conquered your cancer in the spiritual sense, and will now show how he is the great Healer of your physical body as well! I know you will not lose your humor in this, as it is one of the amazing ways God has gifted you! Cling to it, and to His grace. All my love, Renee
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