Cancer friends :)

Today I made my first cancer friends.  It was weird.  I went into my radiation appointment, as usual, and the same people have the same appointments every day.  We all sit in this back area together, waiting to be called in.  Today there was only one other person in the waiting area, a woman sitting working on a puzzle on the table, and I recognized her from yesterday.  I made the comment "You haven't finished that yet?" as I crutched by, smiling, trying to be friendly.  She replied, "No. I could use some help."  Just like that.  I went over and started talking.  Her name is Brenda and her husband has lung cancer for the second time, this time spreading tumors through his rib bones.  I can't imagine facing this more than once.  He's doing the same thing as me - radiation for pain relief and then chemo.  She was surprised I was the one here for treatment.  She hadn't seen anyone else my age at radiation (I haven't either).  When her husband came out, I saw what a cute couple they are together.  Even though his hands are too shake-y to pick up a puzzle piece, she kept asking for his help looking for pieces and tried her best to make him feel involved.  They shared with me how difficult it has been to make the payments on their insurance (he can't work and she has to take care of him, so they've stayed on COBRA), how heartbreaking it was to learn that the cancer had returned, and what a hard time they've had finding good medical care (it took them 6 months to diagnose the cancer). 

After they were called away, another patient and family sat nearby - a grandmother, grandfather, and their 3 year old grandson Alex.  The grandmother was the one to go in for radiation and her husband confided in me that she is refusing chemo and she's getting worse.  He doesn't expect her to live much longer.  Heartbreaking.  Alex was a trip - he liked me right away and soon was sitting on my lap "playing the puzzle game".  I told him he was a smart kid and he replied "Well, I think you're a smart kid too."  When I was called in to speak with my doctor, he yelled out "See ya later dinosaur!"  Super cute.   
    

It seems like everything in the radiation oncology waiting area is tinged a little with sadness.  Even when I am unexpectedly blessed by a little boy named Alex, I can't help but remember that his grandmother will likely die soon.  Even when I am touched by an older couple working on a puzzle together, I can't help but remember how difficult their life must be.  The very reason I am sitting in this space and speaking to these people is because I have cancer. But I also have to remember how lucky I am.  I won't die from this and Danny and I have so much support from so many people.  I have an incredible job and an incredible boss and work for an incredible company that will fight for me to keep my benefits and as many hours as I can manage.  We won't come out of this rich, but I believe that we will make it through without going to the poor house, simply through God's provision and the great generosity of many many people - to which we are speechless and humbled.  I can never forget how lucky I am.  Especially while sitting around so many others at the radiation clinic that have so many more things piled against them.

I do have one bit of good news.  Today my radiation doctor said that on my PET scan it looked like all of the fractures in the bone had healed from when I had the MRI.  He also said that he couldn't see any interior bone deterioration from the tumor on the scan.  So, once the pain in my leg has completely subsided, I shouldn't have to use my crutches anymore!  Since it already feels better, he said I could begin walking around the house without them and testing whether it makes the area more painful.  So excited.  I may get back to managing at work sooner than I had hoped! 

Thankful for another dose of radiation.  Thankful for a full night's sleep.  Thankful for 8 hours at work.  Thankful for hope to be crutch-free.  Thankful for the perspective my new friends gave me.